Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Day 7 ~ Fear

Day 7, Tuesday: The thing(s) you're most afraid of

I carry a lot of fear. Now I know in the Christian world this can come across as unacceptable. As Christians we are supposed to rely on God and not live in fear. I couldn't agree more.

The problem is sin. See I do not worry about dying. I know where I am going. I fear that those I love so deeply will not know the full extent of how much I love them. I fear that because of sin. I loose my temper. I get impatient. I have attitudes. I say things I shouldn't say. I can be cranky. I am human. My fear is that in my human nature I will not leave behind the love with those that I love like I want to. (Did you get that?) And it scares the bejeebers out of me!

I have some fears that I have to keep in check and keep trusting in God because I know He is the only source of true, lasting peace. These fears are my children being harmed in any way. Even a broken heart makes my heart broken. I could not even fathom any worse. I fear what will happen to Taylor once I am gone. The thought of her not being taken care of, loved and nurtured is enough to hit me in the pit of my stomach. 

I also fear failure and rejection. I've had some things happen in my life that has left me kind of raw in this area. So unfortunately this fear kind of spills over into many different areas of my life.  It is a daily battle and struggle.

I don't really have any irrational fears. I'm not scared of creepy crawly things. I don't particularly like heights or the unknown but I can deal with it.


Elizabeth Goertzen said...

Thanks for the comment. With my twins, some days are just so hard. I'm short with them and get so frustrated that I'm just not very nice. And they're only babies! One day, after a particularly hard day, I told Jay that if something were to happen to me or to them, I would want our last day together to be happy and loving, not angry and frustrated. It kind of changed my perspective. I have to ask their forgiveness a lot!

Rebecca Newman said...

Oh my goodness. Your fears are exactly the same as mine. This past week has been a fearful week because of so much fear for the family I thought I was leaving behind. On my second emergency room visit- I spent the entire car ride trying to tell Matt everything he needed to remember when I was gone. One night, I stayed up late and wrote letters to my children and husband to tell them all the things I wanted them to remember even if I wasn't there to remind them.

I feel ya. On every.little.thing.

I don't think though that Christians ought to be ashamed of fear or that it is somehow unacceptable. I think God uses fear to often draw us closer to Him and become more dependent upon Him. The one other fear I have (in addition to the ones you wrote) is that of Matt dying. He is often out of town with work and in bad weather, long drives, etc it is easy to think the worst. He makes fun of me about it but I tell him that if I weren't so fearful of him dying, I wouldn't be on my knees to God in both supplication (for us to live long lives together) AND praise (for having Matt in the first place.) So, in a way, fear is a good thing. If it draws us closer to God and helps us to realize our gifts, and helps us to live in a way that God wants us to live and I can't think of anything more important than those things. :-)

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